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Moving Beyond Betrayal: The 5-Step Boundary Solution for Partners of Sex Addicts, by Vicki Tidwell Palmer

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Review

"The sexual betrayal partners of sex addicts experience is extremely difficult to overcome. It’s easy to get stuck in the victim position, resentment, and reactivity. This splendid work by Vicki Tidwell Palmer provides a step-by-step process that will help partners of sex addicts move out of the trauma and into a more profound sense of intimacy with their partners. A wonderful read!”—Pia Mellody, Senior Clinical Advisor for The Meadows and author of Facing Codependence, Facing Love Addiction, and The Intimacy Factor“Vicki Tidwell Palmer explains in a straightforward, useful way both why and how betrayed partners can set meaningful and empowering boundaries—limits that can aid not only their own healing, but also that of the addict and their relationship. This book is a must read for anyone who has been negatively affected by a loved one’s sexually addictive behavior.”—Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S, Founder of the Sexual Recovery Institute and author of Sex Addiction 101, and Always Turned On“Finally. THE book to help partners of sex addicts reclaim the most powerful part of their life after suffering from intimate betrayal. Following Tidwell Palmers’ compassionate, no-nonsense guidance will insure the discovery of a vital, healthy sense of self.”—Alexandra Katehakis, Founder and Clinical Director, Center for Healthy Sex, and co-author of Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence“A survival manual for partners of sex addicts, with step-by-step instructions on coping with betrayal, trauma, and how to set boundaries. Vicki’s 5-Step format teaches partners to set boundaries that are empowering, and promote self-care and self-love. This book will be essential reading for recovering partners. I highly recommend it.”—Stefanie Carnes, PhD, LMFT, author of Mending a Shattered Heart: A Guide for Partners of Sex Addicts“Vicki Tidwell Palmer has filled a void in partner literature, and provided an extremely helpful resource for those who discover they are in a relationship with a sex addict. This clear guide on the purpose of boundaries and how to craft and set them will equip and empower partners of sex addicts to use boundaries wisely and well.”—Marsha Means, MA, author of the Journey to Healing and Joy: A Workbook for Partners of Sexual Addicts“Moving Beyond Betrayal eloquently offers partners a necessary distinction between powerlessness and finding the power to act. A much-needed ingredient for reclaiming the lost ‘self’ post betrayal. Vicki’s words guide a wounded heart back to respite and healing.”—Kelly McDaniel, LPC, NCC, CSAT, author of Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts“An important resource for wounded partners who are trying to find their way out of the maze of trauma caused by their partner’s sex addiction. Vick Tidwell Palmer has made an important contribution to the body of recovery literature.”—Dr. Milton S. Magness, D. Min., author of Stop Sex Addiction: Real Hope, True Freedom for Sex Addicts and Partners"The sexual betrayal partners of sex addicts experience is extremely difficult to overcome. It’s easy to get stuck in the victim position, resentment, and reactivity. This splendid work by Vicki Tidwell Palmer provides a step-by-step process that will help partners of sex addicts move out of the trauma and into a more profound sense of intimacy with their partners. A wonderful read!”―Pia Mellody, Senior Clinical Advisor for The Meadows and author of Facing Codependence, Facing Love Addiction, and The Intimacy Factor“Vicki Tidwell Palmer explains in a straightforward, useful way both why and how betrayed partners can set meaningful and empowering boundaries―limits that can aid not only their own healing, but also that of the addict and their relationship. This book is a must read for anyone who has been negatively affected by a loved one’s sexually addictive behavior.”―Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S, Founder of the Sexual Recovery Institute and author of Sex Addiction 101, and Always Turned On“Finally. THE book to help partners of sex addicts reclaim the most powerful part of their life after suffering from intimate betrayal. Following Tidwell Palmers’ compassionate, no-nonsense guidance will insure the discovery of a vital, healthy sense of self.”―Alexandra Katehakis, Founder and Clinical Director, Center for Healthy Sex, and co-author of Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence“A survival manual for partners of sex addicts, with step-by-step instructions on coping with betrayal, trauma, and how to set boundaries. Vicki’s 5-Step format teaches partners to set boundaries that are empowering, and promote self-care and self-love. This book will be essential reading for recovering partners. I highly recommend it.”―Stefanie Carnes, PhD, LMFT, author of Mending a Shattered Heart: A Guide for Partners of Sex Addicts“Vicki Tidwell Palmer has filled a void in partner literature, and provided an extremely helpful resource for those who discover they are in a relationship with a sex addict. This clear guide on the purpose of boundaries and how to craft and set them will equip and empower partners of sex addicts to use boundaries wisely and well.”―Marsha Means, MA, author of the Journey to Healing and Joy: A Workbook for Partners of Sexual Addicts“Moving Beyond Betrayal eloquently offers partners a necessary distinction between powerlessness and finding the power to act. A much-needed ingredient for reclaiming the lost ‘self’ post betrayal. Vicki’s words guide a wounded heart back to respite and healing.”―Kelly McDaniel, LPC, NCC, CSAT, author of Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts“An important resource for wounded partners who are trying to find their way out of the maze of trauma caused by their partner’s sex addiction. Vick Tidwell Palmer has made an important contribution to the body of recovery literature.”―Dr. Milton S. Magness, D. Min., author of Stop Sex Addiction: Real Hope, True Freedom for Sex Addicts and Partners

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About the Author

Vicki Tidwell Palmer is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), and Somatic Experiencing® Practitioner (SEP) in private practice in Houston, Texas. In addition to her training with the International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP) and the Somatic Experiencing® Trauma Institute (SETI), Vicki has trained extensively with Pia Mellody, one of the pioneers in the treatment of childhood trauma, boundaries, and love addiction, a condition often associated with partners of addicts. She is the author of the blog for partners Survival Strategies for Partners of Sex Addicts (vickitidwellpalmer.com/blog).

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Product details

Paperback: 200 pages

Publisher: Central Recovery Press (May 24, 2016)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 1942094140

ISBN-13: 978-1942094142

Product Dimensions:

6 x 0.5 x 9 inches

Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)

Average Customer Review:

4.6 out of 5 stars

33 customer reviews

Amazon Best Sellers Rank:

#30,092 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

This book is a great resource for learning how to set boundaries. As someone who left a sex addict I found myself depressed and feeling like it was my fault that the relationship didn't work out. She alludes to the choice of leaving, but I really thought it irresponsible that she doesn't spend any time delving into what it means to actually leave the sex addict. Here are a few quotes that made me feel like I had failed and if only I had read her book before I left, I could have saved my marriage. "There are some situations, albeit rare, when a partner may truly not have the power to change her situation." She's discussing situations of domestic abuse. As if this is the only time that it is difficult to leave. Where is the chapter giving permission and advice on leaving? Here is a chapter heading. This one really left me feeling terrible. "Things got worse and worse. After awhile I just gave up. I filed for divorce. I think he was shocked. I know everything happens for a reason but I wonder how things might have turned out differently if I had learned boundaries and asked for what I wanted instead of just hoping and praying that he would be different." She does have other quotes where people have left and are happier, but she never really addresses this as an option.I never write revues, but I realized this morning that this book left me feeling like crap. I bought this book because I'm very well aware that I have issues with boundaries and could use help. I have been a member of SLAA since I left my husband. I attended Alanon before leaving for several years. I'm well aware of my issues and have been working on them, before and after leaving. I guess this is a book to be read by people who are still in their marriage with hopes that if they just do all the right things it will work out. While I think keeping your side of the street clean is the only way to truly recover, I think the author could spend a little more time allowing that we can't control other people even if we have fantastic boundaries. And sometimes it's necessary to leave. Sometimes the sex addict doesn't care about all your boundary setting and they're not raging abusers. What do you do then? Often, the type of woman who will stay with a sex addict for a long time needs an out, permission to let go.Ok, more simply stated, I think this book is missing a chapter on when and how it could be time to set the big boundary of moving on.

The most thorough resource for partners. Navigating through betrayal trauma is a nightmare. This book is a sound guide on how to move forward making decisions out of faith not fear. It details how to set boundaries for the partner to regain a sense of safety in a difficult situation.

This is such a fantastic resource. The 5-SBS model really works. I've used it to help me set boundaries with my addicted spouse as well as with other people in my life. If you need help navigating recovery after betrayal trauma, get this book.

Some practical and necessary steps helping to give direction to a traumatized partner whose life had been turned upside down. In our busy world and having the overwhelming feelings in mind that comes with betrayal, I believe it would be better to have this book in audio as well for a quick read (listen) after initial discovery. It would be a good idea to add an audio recording to the Kindle version like some of the other books available on Kindle. I have this book in hard copy as well as Kindle. It is a must have for partners affected by the devastation of sex addiction.

It helped me make boundaries that I can keep instead of just demands. I feel like a person that I havenew self-esteem and confidence that I am just as worthy as anyone else for life and happiness. My Husband nor anyone else has the right to dominate me or beat me down because of their problems, not mine. I didn't cause their problems.

Vicki is awesome! I attended a "Reclaiming Wholeness" Family of Origin intensive workshop a few months ago, and having this book to reflect back on certain things learned from the workshop has been very helpful.

wonderful book for parters. She understood what we are going through and gives clear guidance on how to handle and cope with the situation. i would say this is the best book on partners i have read. Honestly is a wonderful book

This is a wonderful book for my clients who struggle with boundaries in relationship with their addicted partners. It has been a blessing to have this book as a support to their therapy and healing.

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